"I'm a robot; I'm Here to Help You"

Here’s an easy way to lose customers: Send them impersonal responses that seem to have been generated by the HAL 9000 (from the movie 2001: A Space Odyssey).

Example 1: Bank of America recently sent me a standardized letter that reads as follows, “Congratulations, Your account shown above is paid in full. The items checked below may require you to take action or may provide you with important information.”

Below that were 15 sentences each with their own box. In other words, it was a form letter featuring a variety of boxes that the bank could check off according to the relevant category that applied to me. (Don’t form letters make you feel all warm and fuzzy?) The box I got checked read “No documents are enclosed.” And this a reply to my FAX (yes, even in the 21st century they require a faxed letter asking to close an account). This was not related to paying off an account, it was in regard to closing an account. The letter was wholly confusing and seemingly unrelated to my query. Plus, the generic nature of the pro forma letter felt insulting.

Example 2: I recently emailed the Humane Society of the US to request that they stop sending me their donor magazine.

Now, I’m a huge fan of the animal welfare work of the Humane Society. I regularly send them donations and, when the organization’s president held a “town hall” meeting in Los Angeles, I was one of the many attendees. But I find the horrifying images and stories of animal abuse inside the Humane Society’s magazine, All Animals, deeply tormenting. That’s the point of them, I guess, to drive up donations and encourage support for the organization. But these sorts of images stay with me for years. I don’t want them in my head. I’m the type of person who will walk out of a movie that depicts harm to animals, even the whipping of horses in horse-racing films. (You won’t find Secretariat, Seabiscuit, or National Velvet in my Netflix queue!)

In my email, I told HSUS that I’ll continue to donate but mentioned that I’ve noticed how more and more animal non-profits have turned to using horror stories in their solicitation campaigns and that I don’t appreciate that approach.

Their reply?

First I get an auto reply that someone will get back to me.

Then three days later (felt like a week) I get an email saying you’ve been removed from our list. As a long time donor and someone who cares about their cause I expected a reply that included some kind of heart and not just a bland template. That stinks.

It was also a huge missed opportunity. The human touch goes a long way to make a customer feel valued. If you're going to hand over your hard-earned money to a business or a charity, you want it to feel more meaningful than writing a check to the IRS. Robotic-like form letters make one feel like you’re dealing with a government bureaucracy. True, these organizations likely have huge email volume to respond to, but treating long time ‘customers’ with respect and empathy always builds greater bonds. Especially when the customer has a negative experience and you have an opportunity to turn it into a positive one. Sigh.